tangomija
Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 2
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Reply with quote | #1 |
Hi everyone!
It's amazing to have used the conscious weddings site so much and now to "see many of the same faces" here!
I cannot believe how much the conscious weddings website helped me through that transition. This first year of marriage has had it's ups and downs, but I think knowing that I should expect that has helped me not catastrophize as much.
Anyway, I thought this might be a good place to get the thoughts out that all of you may relate to. It seems most people I know cannot relate.
It is so, so, so weird to me that in the last month or two, I have started to have the "oh my goodness, I think I'd like to be pregnant in the next year"feeling. This is in sharp contrast to my previous thoughts of "no way, not now, someday but not now" feeling. I wonder if this is because I just turned 30.
I decided to stop taking the pill this week, which was a leap of faith for me. It still feels really weird not to take it after 10 years--like my security blanket isn't there! I told my husband I stopped taking it, and now he keeps telling me "oh,
no! What if you're pregnant, oh no!" I know I am not, and that's not the problem. I actually think it might take awhile, because of my age, and because of taking the pill for so long. I was a little sad to hear my husband saying "oh, NO!" He's the one who I know is dying for children (even though he doesn't admit it directly) even more than I am. But I guess it's a catch 22, you want it, but you're also scared about it.
So anyway, I feel like he and I beat around the bush and don't talk directly about it because we are scared. I don't know how to bring it up. I feel like I'm pretty much ready, since it could take awhile anyway. He gets so figety and wierd every time I try to bring the topic up and says "if you're not sure what
to expect frpm stopping the pill, maybe talk to your friends?" AAAH! I don't want to talk to my friends, I want to talk to my husband!!
I feel similarly to what I felt during engagement...like I know deep down it's something I want, but it scares me so much and the "what if's" come in..like "what if I am not able to get pregnant after all this", "what if I have a baby with autism" (I work in special ed., so of course I freak out that my baby would have a million different disorders!)
Thanks everyone for being there.
Heidi
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